Kind of Looking Back at 2013

I wasn't planning on discussing anything regarding the past year till I read PGs honest reflection of his 2013.

I'm still reluctant to post much as I'd rather talk about stuff that's important.  Family, friends, the ups and downs we all go through in life and THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF ALL THIS LOOKING BACK IS how we are better for it...but I have no interest in discussing that on this forum. I'd rather discuss those items during a nice long trail run or over a few beers. 

In all aspects of my life, I strive to be the best I can be. I'm pretty hard on myself and believe I have a lot to figure out still.  Hell, I mess up enough to consider myself a fuck up a times.  But I do care.  A lot.  When it comes to running, I care about performing to the best of my running ability without it ever impacting those things that are most important to me.

That said, random observations from my 2013 races:

Moab Red Hot 55K - A race where I learned the so much about myself as a runner.  Learning that I can still run even when it hurts.  Running when I least want to.  Gaining so much confidence for the remainder of the year.  

Collegiate Peaks 25M - A race that I simply didn't need to do.  That signing up for one to many races can negatively impact future races.  Yes, I hung out with a lot of friends that weekend and loved every aspect of that. However I didn't hold back as much as I should have during this race and it cost me to perform at levels I expected to in the following 2 races due to an injury and fatigue I incurred during the race.    

Sun Mountain 50K - When on a family vacation, schedule the race at the start of it.  Not at the end of one. Combine that with being off my game since CP25 and I missed out on a great opportunity of performing really well here.

Running highlight of my year being a 1K kids trail race I shared with my beautiful daughter.

  (Running Highlight Of The Year Captured in Photo: Credit to Tachiyama)

San Juan Solstice 50M - My all time favorite race.  One that I executed nicely on considering the injuries and inconsistent training over the past month plus. This was an A goal race for me so to not be 100% prepared was a real downer.  

It's also the race where I thought I was a total fuck up. Mile 35 running mad and focused and I thought of my daughter and how badly I just wanted to be with her instead.  For a moment I just lost it.  How horrible of a dad I was by running a race instead of chasing her around at the park.  

I gathered myself rather quickly and put everything into perspective but not a run goes by today without me thinking of my 2 kids.  About what I might be sacrificing.  That at the end of the day, I'm a better father and husband because of running but it still doesn't make being away from them any easier.    

Run Rabbit Run 100M - I have a whole other post drafted regarding this race that I'll put up some other time. For now, months after the race has ended, I still have incredible memories of spending so much time with family and friends. 

Reflecting on the past is fun and all but at times, there needs to be some kind of purpose in doing so.  I've made many positive strides as a person...as a runner in the past year.  Yet this fight to be better father, husband, runner continues. It's a very frustrating fight because it's one I will never win regardless of how hard I try.

Reality is I'll never be happy with the end result (even the best for my family isn't good enough in my eyes). But thankfully that's all on me and I wouldn't want it any other way.